Journal: thoughts on loneliness

It has been some time since I have posted here, and for that you, Dear Reader, have my apologies. Things have been interesting in my little corner of the world and I just haven’t had the time/energy that I wanted to devote myself to my spiritual musings.

I have been learning a lot about loneliness. I have been feeling a deficit, like a piece of the puzzle is missing. True, my work hours contribute, as I am working at times others are home and my days off are that–days, when most of the world is at work. Shorter lines at the grocery store not withstanding, I am noticing that my life is not necessarily in sync with the rest of the world’s general daily timeline. Funny thing, though…when one gets feeling too much self-pity, God/dess sure hits you over the head.

I was at the library a couple days ago, listlessly looking at books in order to fill up some empty time. I heard my name and turned and there was a friend from high school that I haven’t talked to in years. We spent a good half hour or so catching up, and found out that we have been living in the same town all these years and not even realized it. I went home thinking to myself that maybe loneliness is only a state of being if it’s allowed in; maybe I have more friends than I think.

That worked, for a day or two. Last night, I was in the grocery store. Again, I was alone and it was during an ‘off time’ when most (normal) people are not shopping. I was actually adding up in my head the number of hours in the last 24 that I had spent alone (most of them) because my kids had been at school, my husband at work, and then in the evening, the three of them went to the movies. (Work schedule dictated I stay home, since getting up at the crack of dawn is easier when not out til midnight). So there I was, partially inspecting the produce and mostly just adding up the hours when I ran into another old friend that I haven’t seen in several years. As we stood there talking and catching up, I started thinking that obviously God/dess is giving me a message.

I came home thinking wow, maybe things really are better and I just have to remember that. My email inbox was empty…still. I had no comments on my Facebook status, and the number of visitors here is roughly the same or a little less. None of my (few) contacts on IM were online, nor had they been in some time.

But this time, I felt better. I realized that while being lonely is a valid feeling, it doesn’t have to be the center of things. There are people out there…you just have to be open to finding them.