Today I was outside putting up some autumn decorations. It was absolutely beautiful–just about 80 degrees, sunny and everything was golden. My asters have bloomed and they were simply buzzing with happy bees, enjoying the early-fall treat of fresh pollen.
I sat out on the step, enjoying the unseasonable gift.
As is usual for lately, I started thinking about this path I am on–but instead of thinking about where I am going, I meditated on where I have been.
When I was little, I think I saw spirits. I am not sure, but I know that I had a group of imaginary friends. Gogo, my primary imaginary friend, was the one I played with the most, but there were also a few others, who weren’t there all the time, and who were set up in a classroom in my mind somewhere.
I used to astral travel from the time I was young as well. I well remember many nights, laying in my bed, trying to fly out my window–and going. I firmly believed in Peter Pan, and was sure that if I flew often enough, I would find him. As I got older, my friend and I used to astral travel together. She had some big boxes in her basement, and we would sit in them, close our eyes, and start to fly. I remember the feeling of going…I would close my eyes tight and we would decide where we were going–flying in the air, over the mountains..whatever. After a few minutes, my head would start to ‘buzz’ and there I’d be–flying in my box with my friend next to me in her box. We’d decided when we were done and land safely back in her basement. There is no way I can attribute it to imagination.
I remember it too well.
Around the same age, maybe 8 or 9, I realized that I was great friends with Jesus. I know it sounds kind of weird but I just knew we were friends. I couldn’t pray, but I could talk and have reciprocal conversations.
As a teenager, I had a series of very scary dreams. I had started playing around with witchcraft and things started happening around the house. I think now it was some minor poltergeist activity, stemming probably from the instablility in my relationship with my mother (long story, another blog).
Anyway, I cast my first spell. It involved a candle and an incantation, trying to bind my then-boyfriend to me, since I knew he was cheating on my with my friend. (15 is a tough age, lol).
The candle flared, the flame shot up about 3 inches and then went out.
My boyfriend broke up with me and he and my firend were quite a pair after that.
One day soon after, all the posters in my room fell off the walls simultaneously.
I walked out of my room, and the door slammed.
I had a series of scary nightmares consisting of deep male voices saying words in languages I didn’t know.
My father was dating a woman who identified herself as a witch, and somehow she helped it get better; I think she just brought positive vibes.
About two years later, I attempted to use tarot cards. I laid them out and tried to look at them. The light above my head suddenly started swinging like a pendulum.
I put the cards away.
Soon after, I had a dream where a woman told me I was going to die the next time I fell asleep.
I stayed awake for about 36 hours but still fell asleep.
In the dream, the woman came back and asked if I was ready to die. I felt myself falling and going forward at the same time.
I jerked awake, and on the wall in front of me was an image of a tunnel, lit up with some type of glow. It went away when I blinked.
I stopped trying to be psychic. I stopped trying to do anything that could cause the scary things to return.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized that things are what you make them. I had to really grow up before I could accept that there things in the world I don’t understand or know about, but they are not going to bother me if I don’t let them.
My grandmother was psychic. She knew I was pregnant before I missed my period. She always knew where my father was when he was growing up and she always knew everything I wanted to talk to her about before I opened my mouth. She came to my father as a bird the day she died, and led him and his wife out of the woods where they were lost. (another blog for later).
I think I inherited it. But I spent so much time denying it, I am scared I won’t bring it to fruition.
I started with my daughter early. She has flashes and she knows it, but she is like me at that age, and is denying it.
I don’t think the men in my family have it at all.
My sister glimmers but is too scared to pursue it. Her experiences with the ouija board proved it and that was all she needed to turn it off.
So today, as I sat in the autumn sunshine, I remembered all of this. I think this path..as new as it feels right now..is one that I started on a long time ago.
I feel like I am waking up.
