on a new path, or finding the one I am already on?

Today I was outside putting up some autumn decorations. It was absolutely beautiful–just about 80 degrees, sunny and everything was golden. My asters have bloomed and they were simply buzzing with happy bees, enjoying the early-fall treat of fresh pollen.
I sat out on the step, enjoying the unseasonable gift.
As is usual for lately, I started thinking about this path I am on–but instead of thinking about where I am going, I meditated on where I have been.
When I was little, I think I saw spirits. I am not sure, but I know that I had a group of imaginary friends. Gogo, my primary imaginary friend, was the one I played with the most, but there were also a few others, who weren’t there all the time, and who were set up in a classroom in my mind somewhere.
I used to astral travel from the time I was young as well. I well remember many nights, laying in my bed, trying to fly out my window–and going. I firmly believed in Peter Pan, and was sure that if I flew often enough, I would find him. As I got older, my friend and I used to astral travel together. She had some big boxes in her basement, and we would sit in them, close our eyes, and start to fly. I remember the feeling of going…I would close my eyes tight and we would decide where we were going–flying in the air, over the mountains..whatever. After a few minutes, my head would start to ‘buzz’ and there I’d be–flying in my box with my friend next to me in her box. We’d decided when we were done and land safely back in her basement. There is no way I can attribute it to imagination.
I remember it too well.
Around the same age, maybe 8 or 9, I realized that I was great friends with Jesus. I know it sounds kind of weird but I just knew we were friends. I couldn’t pray, but I could talk and have reciprocal conversations.
As a teenager, I had a series of very scary dreams. I had started playing around with witchcraft and things started happening around the house. I think now it was some minor poltergeist activity, stemming probably from the instablility in my relationship with my mother (long story, another blog).
Anyway, I cast my first spell. It involved a candle and an incantation, trying to bind my then-boyfriend to me, since I knew he was cheating on my with my friend. (15 is a tough age, lol).
The candle flared, the flame shot up about 3 inches and then went out.
My boyfriend broke up with me and he and my firend were quite a pair after that.
One day soon after, all the posters in my room fell off the walls simultaneously.
I walked out of my room, and the door slammed.
I had a series of scary nightmares consisting of deep male voices saying words in languages I didn’t know.
My father was dating a woman who identified herself as a witch, and somehow she helped it get better; I think she just brought positive vibes.
About two years later, I attempted to use tarot cards. I laid them out and tried to look at them. The light above my head suddenly started swinging like a pendulum.
I put the cards away.
Soon after, I had a dream where a woman told me I was going to die the next time I fell asleep.
I stayed awake for about 36 hours but still fell asleep.
In the dream, the woman came back and asked if I was ready to die. I felt myself falling and going forward at the same time.
I jerked awake, and on the wall in front of me was an image of a tunnel, lit up with some type of glow. It went away when I blinked.
I stopped trying to be psychic. I stopped trying to do anything that could cause the scary things to return.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized that things are what you make them. I had to really grow up before I could accept that there things in the world I don’t understand or know about, but they are not going to bother me if I don’t let them.
My grandmother was psychic. She knew I was pregnant before I missed my period. She always knew where my father was when he was growing up and she always knew everything I wanted to talk to her about before I opened my mouth. She came to my father as a bird the day she died, and led him and his wife out of the woods where they were lost. (another blog for later).
I think I inherited it. But I spent so much time denying it, I am scared I won’t bring it to fruition.
I started with my daughter early. She has flashes and she knows it, but she is like me at that age, and is denying it.
I don’t think the men in my family have it at all.
My sister glimmers but is too scared to pursue it. Her experiences with the ouija board proved it and that was all she needed to turn it off.
So today, as I sat in the autumn sunshine, I remembered all of this. I think this path..as new as it feels right now..is one that I started on a long time ago.
I feel like I am waking up.

Published in: on October 13, 2008 at 9:57 pm  Comments (1)  
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My early experiences with psychic readings

I experienced a heightened interest in all things psychic around 6 years ago. At first, I just read a lot and joined some online forums to learn more about things such as card reading, remote viewing, mediumship etc.
It wasn’t very long until I was doing all of the above, and more.
I am not trying to brag, but I made a little name for myself within the online communities to which I belonged, and received daily requests for readings of various sort.
The kind of reading that I really enjoyed doing was a picture reading. Basically, someone would email or post a picture of themselves or a place that had meaning for them, and I would quiet my mind and bring the reading from the image.
It was eerily accurate and a lot of fun for me to do because, as with all psychic gifts, the more you use it, the more attuned to it you become. I felt like I was growing in leaps and bounds.
Some pictures would elicit images in my head, words, phrases etc.
More often, I would experience clairsentient feelings…tastes and smells were big. I could taste the food the person who I was reading enjoyed, or I could smell a loved one’s perfume.
It was at this time I also enjoyed many visits from a recently departed family member, who would always come around with her perfume to let me know she was there.
I was never great at ‘getting’ names…I could pull a few letters but to this day, most names are slightly wrong.
Another fun part was when I was doing mediumship and the spirits would visit me. I could feel them: a hand on the shoulder, a brush of air near my head. And then I would let them tell me what they would. Sometimes this took the form of automatic writing, although that was definitely my least favorite form of communication. I much preferred (and did better with) getting the images and telling them to the querent exactly as they were given to me.

After I’d been doing those types of readings for a while, I began to have spontaneous spirit visitors and realized that sometimes the spirits themselves were initiating the readings. Once I was in the grocery store and ran into a friend I had not seen in a very long time. We were standing and talking when I noticed a presence behind her. I ‘saw’ (w/ my third eye, not my actual eyes) a woman in a waitress outfit, holding a wooden spoon, with her dark hair up. This woman looked at me expectantly. I gulped and told my friend not to freak out, but that there was a spirit with us. My friend was intrigued and when I described what I saw her eyes widened. Apparently her husband had recently lost a family member who fit this description. The message I got was to let him know she was okay.

Another time recently, at a job I had last year, I saw a man standing just behind the left shoulder of one of our environmental service people. Now she and I talked off and on, but I sure did not know how to ask her who her deceased relative was. The man behind her smiled at me and I knew I had to go on. I realized it was her father. I started asking if she believed in psychic stuff etc and she said she did. Again it was a case of “Don’t get scared but…” I described the man with the wide smile, the bow tie, the hat and the peppery hair. Then I saw in my mind how he died in a fatal car accident. I told her all of this, as well as the pain I had suddenly in my side. He had been hit on that side of the auto and killed immediately. The bow tie was his trademark and a source of amusement in the family…kind of a family joke that he always wore it. After she dried her tears she hugged me and thanked me for letting her know he was there.

The scariest part was when I had a spirit of a little girl attached to me. She kept showing me images of her and her brother. She was just right with me and I needed her to go. It took a while but she left.

I didn’t tell my husband that one but he was so uncomfortable with the whole idea of me being a medium that I stopped pursuing it, only now and again running into a spirit that makes itself known to me for specific reasons.

I also found an interest in reading cards and while tarot cards continue to be something I am struggling to learn, I did very well with oracle cards. My favorite of all time is the Brian Froud fairy oracle deck and I did so many of those readings. I had people emailing me, posting to me, asking me from other forums to come and read and host readings chats…what a time that was!

Lately, I have felt a pull to go back to some of my psychic roots. I realized that my picture-reading abilities are still present and I know that spirits still come around now and again. I”ve been working with a couple different decks of tarot cards, and learning which ones work best for me. I’ve ordered a few more decks and have great hope for a connection with some of them.

My reading abilities changed a bit as I became a nurse as well. (I’ve only been a nurse for 2 years).
I find that I can intuit a lot about a patient before I see them. I go with my gut all the time and I find that my thoughts are generally spot on. Combining this intuition with reiki seems to help my patients and helps me help them better.

So here I am now, opening up again. A reawakening of spirit, surrounding myself with the White Light of Universal Love and asking that my divine purpose be revealed.
Stay tuned!

Published in: on July 15, 2008 at 1:08 pm  Comments (4)  
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